Homeless at Heart

In the past four months I have moved three times. Right when a new place begins to feel like home. Right when a sense of community blossoms. Right when you find doctors and hairdressers you love. Right when you finally know where everything is at your local grocery store. Right when an amazing bakery/coffeeshop opens up the street, and you become “regulars”. Right when a spare room converts to a nursery. Right when it is still difficult to move around because your body literally just exploded with life. That is right when I boarded a plane with my newborn, my husband, six suitcases, and moved halfway around the world.

“What an exciting adventure!” is what I wished my heart was feeling at the time. Instead, I mostly felt dead; every sense of normal, self, desires, and dreams, died. What I had worked so hard for became this mysterious past, and what I dreamed for the future slipped into an unknowable fog. My heart shrouded over as if prepared for a long burial. Life as I had known it, was now over.

Some friends of ours came over for dinner recently, and we were discussing where we might like to live/settle down in the future and make a home. I casually asserted that our lives would be fairly nomadic for the next decade at least. My statement was met with incredulity. A WHOLE DECADE?!!! Yes, a whole decade. Maybe forever. The whole this world is not my home thing is literally true for us. Part of me loves this, and part of me is painfully aware of the great cost of this.

My husband and I have come to realize the importance of building a sanctuary for our little family no matter where we are. If in a spare room, throw up favorite art and mementos on the wall, even if for just a short season. If it makes us smile, it’s worth it. We have our little collection of talismans that travel with us, reminding us of the beautiful and good story God has been writing in our lives. This helps us to trust a bit more readily the new story being penned that we are not yet used to.

Home is us, huddling close, lighting candles remembering, praying, and dreaming in each new place God leads us. He is specific in his call and never fails to equip us for the journey.

For now, I am enjoying the juicy, sweet mangoes from our mango tree, the peaceful island breezes, the view outside my window, the proximity of beautiful beaches, and the out of this world coffee that comes from living in the only state of America that grows its own beans.

Let’s DO THIS Maui!!!! At least for the next 9 months…