I know what you’re thinking, and you don’t have to worry. I wield transparency with discretion, although discretion, much like caution, often gets thrown to the wind. Proceed at your own risk.
I have discovered over the last 3 weeks that I was asking all the wrong questions during my highschool/college dating years:
“does he think I’m hot?” “do other girls think he’s hot?” “does he like my cooking?” “is he ‘christian’?” “is he a good kisser?” “does he like music?” “can we walk with our arms around each other and not look like meerkats that were recently hit by cars?” “would we make ugly children?” “does he take me out to nice places?” “does he make me feel ‘special’?” “will he sit by me in front of his friends?”
All really important questions, of course, but no amount of hotness and good kissing is gonna have any bearing on how you feel when you pee in a plastic bucket in front of five professionals analyzing what is coming out of you.
You know what will? Knowing you are ENTIRELY loved, by God AND the person you love most in this world.
If dating is truly the activities you engage in to determine whether or not you should spend the rest of your life with someone, then more time should be spent having dates that suck.
Here are some fun out of the box date ideas:
1. Don’t shower for five days and then have movie night.
2. Spend the evening together pretending one of you has the flu.
3. Play 20 Questions, but instead of asking the usual “where do you see yourself in five years?” “if you could go anywhere in the world where would it be?” questions, ask questions like “would you be willing to wake up every two hours and watch Parks and Recreation with me while I breastfeed our newborn?” or “Donuts and Tacos on Demand: is this a lifestyle choice you can get behind?” or the classic “would you still sleep with me even if I had terrible gas?”
4. Individually exhaust yourselves all day before cooking a romantic meal together.
5. Borrow someone’s toddler for an exceptionally fulfilling time on your afternoon foodie/art excursion.
The true metal of marriage is staying power: Bearing with each other through thick and thin, sickness and health, richness and poverty, joy and sorrow (sound familiar?). Who do you turn to when life gets ugly? Your best friends. So. You should marry someone who is your best friend (whom you also really want to make love with).
But, it is so much more than that! It’s the ability to laugh together. To make the most of every situation. To dream fiercely, grandly, and wildly no matter what circumstances you find yourselves in. To take risks and make mistakes. To support each other endlessly in the big things and the small things. Marriage should be a mutual refuge from the ravages of living in a fallen world; a bond that hopes relentlessly in the valleys, and celebrates with abandon on the mountaintops.
My husband has seen and experienced the worst of me and the best of me, and he still loves me completely. He tends my wounds, physically and emotionally, with grace, gentleness, and love. He cheers me on and believes in my riskiest dreams. He is a beautifully committed husband and father, reflecting the compassion, love, and kindness of Jesus Christ daily.
Our circumstances may seem less than ideal, or extremely challenging, but we can still make watching Bollywood films on netflix in separate beds really sexy.
Here’s to finding the beautiful in the really messy, and to getting creative with dates that suck!